Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
