Kiss
Puke
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
