They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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