Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
