I think i sorta joined a cult last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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