If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
