the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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