also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
