So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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