don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
