the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
