i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
