Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
