Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
