Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
