We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
