either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
