Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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