So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
