...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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