the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
