Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
