I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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