Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
