I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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