I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
