also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
