Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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