If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
