you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
