Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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