You smell like a Billy Joel song
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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