and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i think my cat just said my name.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
