mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
