I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
