super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
