Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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