So drunk its hurt
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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