Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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