How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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