your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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