so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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