I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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