well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My penis needs a shock collar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
