Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
