apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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