I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
