I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
