You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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