Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
