I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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